My Dog, Lady’s, Smile Changed My Life

My dog Lady, a Pekingese, kept me going in life for many years. She came to me from someone who was moving into an apartment and couldn’t take a pet. She was five. She was extremely guarded and I heard a little that they played rough with her. She couldn’t be easily rehomed because of her trauma, attachment issues and later she developed high medical needs. She would struggle eating because she needed wet food right out of the can. It couldn’t be left out long. She also chose to eat all different times so I could never leave it out. I had to wait until she wanted it. Her communicating things like that to me took time and effort to understand. I would cradle her head in my hands. I sat against her when she was sleeping to get used to human touch. I gave her toys which she went wild over. We took a lot of walks which made her happiest. Sometimes we stayed outside all day. That’s because I was on disability and able to be at home with her.

I knew if I left home, left this world, she would suffer. We were tied to each other. She saved me. I saved her.

As an animal lover, I have been told “It’s just a dog.” Animals are spiritual beautiful beings here to guide us in some way. We must have compassion for them. I found myself looking into her eyes and singing to her as I rubbed her tummy. She would get excited and race around when I told her it was time for a walk. I would let her go out as long as she wanted, as often as she wanted, and she would determine when we came home. I had my best talks with God while walking her. And my best ideas.

Being the guardian to this dog made me see how much love and attention animals need. I volunteered for my local humane society, and I would be sad that dogs were in cages most of the day without a companion or affection. I would be sad that cats were in confined places and let out to a play area once or twice a day for a limited amount of time. Sure, there were volunteers to interact with them. But this seemed like a sad lonely thing about animal shelters. I gained the belief animals shouldn’t be home alone all day either.

She had unexpected health issues develop of itchy skin, nausea and throwing up food, anal gland issues, eye irritation and more. I had to go through four vets to get all the right products and care.

My dog Lady and I spiritually connected. I knew no one could reach her but me. She didn’t let anyone even try. She would growl and shake if someone else came near. I would soothe her until she stopped shaking and growling overtime. She was afraid of strangers but extremely attached to me. She would prance outside as if she was bragging about being the boss to other dogs. I would just lay on the floor staring into her eyes and I knew that we were meant for each other, as my dog Jasmine, a dachshund, had passed. Jasmine was overly affectionate and could read body language really well. For example, if I was crying, Jasmine would lick my face and just knew to comfort me. Lady was the opposite. She was timid with most people and only licked me a few times. It was a completely different experience. Her new life was a better one.

I didn’t know this growing up, but I was an empath. I could take on others’ emotions, risking at times codependent if I wasn’t careful. And I was able to also emphasize with animals. I even had a moment with my dog, Lady, once where she sent me pictures in my head of her favorite times at the beach. She thought she was swimming but I held her in the water and waded her around as she moved her paws. I received her innocence and joy when I pet her. She showed me she was thankful I healed her of her past owner’s abuse and neglect. I felt her energy surrounding me. I wondered, is this what animal communication is like?

I didn’t find all the solutions for her care until a couple years before she passed. I was so angry at the fraudulence of vets. One day she had unexplained pain. I got her on tramadol. She needed it four times a day as pain would randomly come. I was only allowed three times. I still gave her four or added gabapentin in its place (WHICH LATER I LEARNED CAN COME IN DIFFERENT FLAVORS OR GO ON HER EAR). I knew in my gut she would be okay. I put it in peanut butter and had to push it into her mouth despite her biting me. I’m not sure anyone else could do that. Then the pain one day just went away and we weaned her off. I got to save her in every way.

She was attacked twice by dogs. I stopped letting most dogs come to her in the neighborhood. She was fine after both. But she was allergic to the antibiotic and started to throw up almost every second and was lethargic. I was sure we would lose her. But she persevered and we got her off that med.

I let her bite me slightly at times to help her take meds. I stuck my finger up her butt with a glove on to help with her anal glands between vet visits. I had no idea what I was doing but it worked. I had a vitamin she took and a spray for her itch. I had a ton of products I tried that worked. Prozyme, probiotic, tramadol (temporarily), benadryl, vitamins, itch shot, Genesis Itch/Hot Spot Spray (I list this name because it was the best), metronidazole, acid reflux and food for gastro issues and anal gland help. We only found she had bacterial growth. The vets said they couldn’t diagnose it all. If she was sick, they said for her to eat chicken. It actually made it worse. When I switched vets I had to advocate not to go that route. One vet thought the itch shot made her sick. I wasn’t able to speak or give context. I knew that wasn’t it as it started long before the itchiness.

No matter what she went through, she was so trusting and happy. She became so attached. When I left to get the mail or anywhere, she would sit at the door waiting for me to come back. She was so smart that we would walk as long as she wanted, and she would turn around and decide when we would go back home.

I never had anyone or animal rely on me so completely. I chose to write books and do creative things and help websites and volunteer with my time on disability. I couldn’t leave her for very long. Even when she woke up in the morning, she would cry looking for me. As she got older she had to go to the bathroom more frequently and didn’t respond to pee pads. It was my own miracle of love.

Then at the end, she had trouble chewing, seeing and hearing. She got a lump on her neck that we continually drained. She lost a lot of weight. And she had a fall. A chiropractor made it worse. I still experienced slight miracles where a few nights she would come to me and I would massage it until it felt better and she would be happy and go to sleep. But I knew it was bad. She was never fixed and the vet didn’t want to do it at 13. She was crying for a neighbor’s dog and walking there constantly. It was hard. But she loved her bed for help with that.

Again the vet didn’t want to put her under.

When we tried the chiropractor, at first it made it all better. Then that night she really struggled. We had a choice to put her down the next day and let her suffer all night. We had gabapentin in her ear and it didn’t touch it. She stopped letting us put things in her mouth at all. I knew it was time. I called the local animal ER and told them so. They were then able to take us right away.

I was away from the vets that didn’t help right. She was in a big room. She hated small rooms. While walking she no longer seemed in pain. But I knew with all the issues it was humane to end it. She was comfortable. I gave her water. I held her. I got a picture with her. She passed at 2:22am. I only know this because someone checked right after it was 2:23am. 222 is a special number to me.

It was the hardest grief I had ever experienced. I had pets before but they didn’t have such a hard life. They didn’t rely on me this way. I had never fought for anything harder than her care. That night I heard a collar jingling and had a dream that she wanted me to be an activist for her. I had unique experiences with bugs and a spiritual dream of a snake. She wanted me to love the unloved. It was a spiritual message. She was still the boss.

I looked through our pictures and found one she was mid-sneeze. She was looking straight at the camera. She looked like she was smiling. It is a happy picture. I have trouble with self-blame that I didn’t find things fast enough. I promise to do everything I can for animals (I’m a vegan too but never fed her vegan food). I will solve problems about animals for her. Lady was my life and always will be.