Personal Reflection 2/9/25

Impossible…What is possible?

I had a lucid dream on 7/1/21. Most I forget except that I could ask questions. But I asked to see what heaven looked like. The sky was a red with a pink hue. There was the same shade of sand. And buildings made out of dark purple glass that were dome like. It was sort of sci-fi looking!

I had a dream of a skeleton with black wings “Your purpose is to stop young suicides.”

July 27, 2014 — Near Death Experience. An updated view on Jesus and religion in general. I escaped danger of a guy and nothing happened. It just guided me to block him and scare him off. I crossed my arms in my basement and floated into a white light. I felt the most peace I have ever felt.

I’ve tried and tested different views and religions.

The director of my grad program…I said “I’m sorry.” She said “Me too.”

I got a lot of insight but Jesus was meek and humble, leaning in in to absorb my suffering. Now I also see he was very tense. Like he knew the hell I would go through.

It didn’t solve anything for years. I kept wanting it too much. I’m so sorry about that.

I knew things once I was ready to know them.

Despite the convo with Jesus… years later I had a vision as part of it.

I was floating toward a large white light. There were other people floating toward it.

I floated to the left and didn’t go into it.

I had dreams of my grandparents — Grandpa: He was in a playground with me that looked like a cage. Silver bars. He played with me and said goodbye. I always wanted to make that dream meaningful but I also saw the mistakes he made. Did it mean justice? I don’t know.

My grandma — “I am at the end of my life. You will be judged for how you take care of me.”

Other grandma on a train track — “You are becoming someone. You are becoming a rich and famous writer.” And “Famous Fender of Fame.”

I turned a light on once in my sleep.

I had a dream of Robin Williams — He is okay. He knows what he did wrong in life.

Gene Wilder — “Don’t lead with leadership. Lead with lunacy.”

He’s guided all my literary nonsense, rhyming, word play, wisdom, social justice and type of writing.

He’s my literal angel. He came through so powerfully for me.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman came through and tried to scare me from Gene. I was tested if Gene was good. Then Gilda his wife came through and said “He is human.” I decided Gene is good. Phillip Seymour Hoffman gave me this message:

An ex of mine broke this promise but inspired things with it…

“~I promise to always be authentic… or do I? What does that mean?

You found something greater than your circumstance — it’s love. Love. Not just authenticity. Authenticity will get you fired from a job. Authenticity will crush people if they have fear and excuses and regret in their way. Authenticity made people run from your goodness. No, you are not after authenticity. You are after rebellion from a world without true rights focus.~”

I have a gift. I cannot use it. It chooses me when it chooses me.

I wrestle with that.

Lastly…my dog Lady who passed is still ruling my life. She makes me love the unloved like snakes and bugs. I connected with a Nat once. I am embarrassed about that. It landed next to me as I was reading like it just wanted to be near me. It landed on my book. I put my finger next to it and let it crawl on. Is that weird? Will I get a disease? I don’t know. It was a weird moment man.

She died 2:22am April 5 2024. That night an inner knowing occurred “You say goodbye tonight.” I had to fight for it with someone who wanted to be in denial and detached…someone I escaped from too. I heard her collar jingle that night. I had a dream about her. She wanted me to be an activist for her.

I am so angry with God about her health issues and her vets. I saved her as much as I could when I could. But some solutions came late.

More will come out on that injustice one day…

The end!

Sarah